Tuesday 31 December 2013
Friday 20 December 2013
Katie Perry's tits history
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Katy Perry’s boobs are so awesome.
What’s more glorious than looking at a looping bouncing image of Katy Perry’s best asset, well, besides her voice of course?
The answer is nothing.
Katy Perry knows she has the best boobs in the pop game, and we have to agree. There’s no debate. Hands down. Katy Perry has the BEST. BOOBS. EVER.
Like absolutely spectacular.
Ellen, don’t you agree?
Ellen definitely agrees. Oh, and so does “Bubbles”
So take a minute…or two..or just keep your browser up all night, and check out the supple history of Katy Perry’s breasts.
Oh yeah…
Oohhh kill ‘em girl….
Bounce it…bounce it…
Keep it going…
Yaasssssssssssss, Katy, Yaasssssssssssss
Stop! Hold up now
Wish we were Mr. Burns…burying our head in Katy’s boobies.
Don’t you wish you were this guy?
Ooop! Boobie check
Boobie check two times
If only this was uncensored. Le sigh.
God bless boobies.
Boobie’d out? No? Well, that’s all folks.
Bye!
Thursday 19 December 2013
Tuesday 17 December 2013
Friday 6 December 2013
Fantastic product placement from Tesco's!
Not sure this is the best product placement by Tesco to be honest.... pic.twitter.com/hjjhJdIy6l
— Jim Knight (@JimKnight88) December 6, 2013
Thursday 5 December 2013
Paris Hilton mistakes Martin Luther King speech for Mandela
Omg. RT @DeIetedTweets: Paris Hilton mistakes Martin Luther King for Nelson Mandela pic.twitter.com/4yZ7iqCu9r
— Allie Davison (@Allie_Davison) December 5, 2013
Monday 2 December 2013
Thursday 28 November 2013
YouTube Comment Reconstructions - Hilarious
'One Direction: What Makes You Beautiful'
'GoPro: Fireman Saves Kitten'
'GoPro: Fireman Saves Kitten'
Tuesday 26 November 2013
Monday 25 November 2013
Friday 22 November 2013
School trip racial discrimination threat by letter
This is incredible. Giving the 'opportunity' (!), fine, but the enforcement and consequences are outrageous! pic.twitter.com/TR7FH5oDrB”
— Harry Aldridge (@HarryAldridge) November 22, 2013
Thursday 21 November 2013
Charles Osborne had the Hiccups for 68 Years, From 1922 to 1990
July 19, 2011
14
Today I found out Charles Osborne (1894-1991) had the hiccups non-stop for approximately 68 years, from 1922 to June 5th, 1990. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, this is the longest bout of the hiccups ever recorded.
His hiccups first started in 1922 while weighing a hog for slaughter. As he says, “I was hanging a 350 pound hog for butchering. I picked it up and then I fell down. I felt nothing, but the doctor said later that I busted a blood vessel the size of a pin in my brain.” The result being that he damaged a small part of his brain that inhibits the hiccup response, according to Dr. Terence Anthoney who treated Osborne later in life.
In the beginning, Osborne’s hiccups occurred at a rate of around 40 times per minute on average. Throughout his life, this gradually slowed to about 20 hiccups per minute until they finally stopped mysteriously about one year before his death in 1991. It is estimated that he hiccuped over 430 million times in his lifetime!
Eventually, he learned to suppress most of the noise of a typical hiccup by breathing methodically between hiccups, which was a technique taught to him by doctors at the Mayo Clinic.
The fact that he kept his sanity through this is amazing enough, but apparently he lead a pretty normal life. He married twice over his long life (lived to the ripe age of 97) with the second wife marrying him despite the hiccups (he did not have the hiccups when he got married the first time). He also fathered eight children. Later in life though, he was forced to start grinding any food he ate in a blender due to the fact that it was hard for food to reach his stomach between hiccups.
Miraculously, about a year before Osborne died, his hiccups stopped. The total number of years of his life he had the hiccups was about 68 years; the total without was about 29 years divided between the first 28 years of his life and the last year.
Wednesday 20 November 2013
Tuesday 19 November 2013
Monday 18 November 2013
Sunday 17 November 2013
Miserable bastard lol
My favourite thing today pic.twitter.com/ieHGew3GSC
— Ian Billings (@mrianbillings) August 28, 2013
Coventry City's Callum Wilson says the word 'obviously' a staggering TEN TIMES in a post match interview.
You can never charge footballers with being dull, repetitive, tedious drones can you? Step up Coventry City's Callum Wilson, who obviously has a love for a certain word.
Friday 15 November 2013
It's Steve Irwin Day. R.I.P Aussie Legend!
It's Steve Irwin Day. R.I.P Aussie Legend! pic.twitter.com/Hut2jOGkMt
— Cimmaron Sanders (@CimmaronSanders) November 15, 2013
Thursday 14 November 2013
Carrie Fisher aka Princess Leia (NOT minging)
After a discussion about Star Wars with the sprogs yesterday, I decided to show them that Carrie Fisher wasn't 'minging'!
Stretch out and wait. Analyse when you're over-betting
 |
| If you think you're over-betting, then you probably are! |
Like anything that is addictive and sets the pulse racing, sports betting is no different in that emotions must be kept in check. Careful analysis of risk must be given attention and that element of moderation is very important. In my experience, over-betting is a common problem amongst gamblers, from both novices and experts alike.
Does this scenario sound familiar?
You've had a good run, you've found value in a number of bets, played the patience game, and think you've cracked it. It's at this point that you are at your most vulnerable. On the back of this you may increase stakes, bet on more matches/events and are far more likely to go all in on a lumper to cash in on the good run. Would you call it greed? To a certain extent, yes. What you are doing in effect is ripping up all those carefully planned steps and bending those rules that got you in that position of profit and prominence in the first place.
If the game goes sour, you'll find yourself back to break even or even worse a loss. It's at this point where the problems can increase further as your self defence mechanism kicks in working the brain to go on the attack. You may bet even more recklessly with increased stakes trying to win those losses back. You may even be prone to more in play 'opportunities' on events that you know little about but gamble higher on safer 'certainties'. This nearly always ends in tears! We all know that are no certainties, right?!?
So, it's always a good time to sit down and reflect on what is going right, and what is going wrong. For me in the first few days of November, I have quite simply, bet on more events than I'd wish too. Far, far too many events. That in short, is very bad.
You'll notice near the top (most recent) I delved into darts and lost two from two. Whilst there were a few unlucky ones, the inclination by myself was to be a little too greedy with too many matches I would class as being too close to confidently call. Livorno-Atalanta was based on more than a hunch, but was a risk which in hindsight wasn't worth taking.
I layed Arsenal (bad), although some did beggar belief (Newcastle-Chelsea BTTS No). But there is plenty here that you could pick holes in.
Whilst 'gambling' is the game you still want to have the risk in your favour and although I am profitable for November, there have been a couple of mistakes that need to be rectified and corrected going forward.
The good news is that Halep was on hand to dig us out of the shit once more, something of which I cannot rely on going forward as the tennis heads for a break.
The point of this article is just to highlight that you are at your most vulnerable after a successful run. It is therefore paramount that you stick to your routine of success and that you do not look to 'cash in' on good fortune or streaks by altering those rules that got you there in the first place. £35 was lost yesterday for example with two darts bets that should have just seen me enjoy the matches, look on, take some notes, but not bet on.
Even for experienced gamblers/traders you can always slide into bad habits. You should always therefore look to analyse yourself regularly and to stay clear of betting too much and on too many events and markets.
Wednesday 13 November 2013
Today's betting preview
Not much in the way of sport today, but there is cricket between Pakistan and South Africa (T20) a couple of soccer games and a few darts matches to liven things up.
Basically, who knows about the T20s, Pakistan are in a bit of a mess right now, but they are always dangerous especially after setbacks. Think this could be one to have a look at in anticipation for the second match. Jordan play Uruguay at 3pm in a World Cup Qualification match and the -1.5 for Uruguay at 1.80 looks half decent; I'll be on that. Also we have King v Thornton tonight and I have always been a fan of Mervyn. On his day, he's right up there with the best and so at 2.32 I'll be taking him to beat Rob.
Basically, who knows about the T20s, Pakistan are in a bit of a mess right now, but they are always dangerous especially after setbacks. Think this could be one to have a look at in anticipation for the second match. Jordan play Uruguay at 3pm in a World Cup Qualification match and the -1.5 for Uruguay at 1.80 looks half decent; I'll be on that. Also we have King v Thornton tonight and I have always been a fan of Mervyn. On his day, he's right up there with the best and so at 2.32 I'll be taking him to beat Rob.
Sunday 10 November 2013
This Rich Family Killed an Elephant while it was eating. Let's make them famous. I see 5 animals and 1 elephant
This Rich Family Killed an Elephant while it was eating. Let's make them famous. I see 5 animals and 1 elephant pic.twitter.com/kBokxYDJ4X
— Consilience (@ConsilienceDVO) August 2, 2013
Remembrance Sunday Picture
#RemembranceSunday pic.twitter.com/sW7sOyflFb
— Denise Van Outen (@denise_vanouten) November 10, 2013
Tuesday 5 November 2013
Monday 4 November 2013
Islamic school picture lmfao what's wrong with u people seriously seek help! Lmfao
Islamic school picture lmfao what's wrong with u people seriously seek help! Lmfao #patriots pic.twitter.com/jzuP7DHl11
— ❤️~GMG~❤️ (@Aquarius1961) November 4, 2013
Norway - fascinating pictures
Norway pic.twitter.com/YjljGJXykb
— Fascinating Pictures (@Fascinatingpics) November 4, 2013
Sunday 3 November 2013
So funny....grand son tells his elders where to go!!
Pmsl. Have a look at this retweeted to me....so funny pic.twitter.com/ACdRZ1Lkjd
— Chris S (@shoppy131) November 3, 2013
Sunday 27 October 2013
This is absolutely brilliant. How the #UKStorm will look on twitter tomorrow.
This is absolutely brilliant. How the #UKStorm will look on twitter tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/Iod0c8RfRp
— Liam Corcoran (@LiamCorcoran28) October 26, 2013
Thursday 24 October 2013
Wednesday 23 October 2013
Keane and Beckham deserved better than Fergie’s bitter disloyalty
Keane and Beckham deserved better than Fergie’s bitter disloyalty
By Eurosport | Desmond Kane – 42 minutes ago
"Keano, Becks, Bozza, Ruud, Rafa, Mancini, Wazza, Hargreaves, Roy Keane - can you hear me, Roy Keane! Your boys took took one hell of a beating..."In the brave new digital world, most of the prose clamped on from 2001 was public knowledge before yesterday, but why not package it up in time for Christmas anyway? Alex Ferguson: My Autobiography is officially published tomorrow. It can be yours for £25. Nice work if you can get it.
There was a certain irony in Fergie dusting down his blunderbuss to take aim at various moving targets from the closing 12 or so years of the 26 he spent overdosing on trophies at Old Trafford. He most noticeably berates his once rampaging captain Roy Keane for having a shorter fuse than a Tasmanian Devil. David Beckham is similarly derided for wanting to be famous as a showbiz celebrity rather than a professional footballer.
There is delicious irony in a bloke who is apparently set to make off with suitcases of cash sitting at a book launch berating a former player for seeking publicity. The criticism of Keane is also dripping with double standards in just over 400 pages of matter when one considers Ferguson was nicknamed 'Sir Furious' and famed for savaging unsuspecting players not adhering to his demands.
Ferguson rejoiced in banning journalists whenever the mood took him yet yesterday was happy enough to chat away to them to top up his pension.
It is held up to be a football book, but seems more like a personal hit list, a chance to settle old scores. No act of betrayal mind you, just business. Keane will still be picking the verbal shrapnel out of his backside this time next year. We knew that the Irishman signed his own death warrant when he criticised United's younger players in 2005 in an interview with the club’s TV channel, footage that is apparently being held under the 30-year rule. Now he gets to hear all about it again from the 'great' man.
Hell hath no fury like a Fergie scorned. Mark 'Bozza' Bosnich (guilty of prolific overeating), Ruud van Nistelrooy, Wayne Rooney, Roberto Mancini and Rafael Benitez are some of the names set upon for employing a bad attitude and lack of maturity, but this material has been doing the rounds for several years.
This onlooker is already tired of what sounds like much ado about nothing, little more than Fergie picking off insubordinates from yesteryear.
Whether or not you like Keane is neither here nor there. For a man who demanded loyalty from his players, what Ferguson has fraternised with is remarkable disloyalty. Keane contributed like no other player to the legacy Ferguson enjoys today, but people tend to remember whatever suits them.
There is no I in team, but because Ferguson is in retirement mode suddenly there is no we in I. He has, as Keane points out, acted incredibly selfishly. “I do remember having conversations with the manager when I was at the club about loyalty. In my opinion, I don’t think he knows the meaning of the word,” said Keane during ITV’s coverage of Arsenal against Borussia Dortmund in the Champions League.
“It doesn’t bother me too much what he has to say about me, but to constantly criticise other players at the club who brought him a lot of success, I find very, very strange.”
Manchester’s ongoing pop artist Morrissey, apparently a United fan, once sung 'Roy’s keen'. He also has an autobiography out this weather written in one long paragraph. There is a quote in it that says, “effeminate men are very witty, whereas macho men are duller than death.” So back to Fergie.
What was not said remains more interesting. If you are going to relive your own jaundiced view of the past, at least make it a bit juicer.
What role did Ferguson's dispute with the Irish businessman John Magnier and JP McManus play in enabling the Glazer family to gain control of United?
Ferguson issued a writ against the racehorse owners and former Manchester United shareholders Magnier and McManus claiming he was owed millions from the race horse Rock of Gibraltar’s stud career. Ferguson felt he partly owned the horse. He claimed lost earnings of around £110m, half the value of Rock of Gibraltar. It was a horse that won seven straight Group 1 races.
The fallout from a bitter legal dispute that lasted over a year from early 2003 saw his son and agent Jason banned from representing players at the club after internal affairs were investigated by the club’s PLC board.
Ferguson skims over all this in a few paragraphs claiming it was a misunderstanding. That is as misleading as calling Fergie a proud Tory, a theme that also runs through book. For a socialist, Ferguson seems well aware of his own worth. He is hardly representative of the redistribution of wealth when he is doing interviews at the Institute of Directors in Pall Mall.
McManus and Magnier sold their 30 percent shareholding in United to the Glazer family. The issue of why the Glazers remain so unpopular with so many United fans is also omitted. The huge interest sum the club pays to service the Glazers’ debt is not touched upon.
“People say Ferguson always does what is right for Man United. I don’t think he does. I think he does what is right for him,” said Keane. “The Irish thing (Rock of Gibraltar) I was speaking to the manager about this. That didn’t help the club, the manager going to law against its leading shareholder. How could it be of benefit to Man United?”
Ferguson sometimes speaks in the third person - the hallmark of a healthy ego. "David Beckham thought he was bigger than Alex Ferguson."
He did not care much for Beckham marrying a Spice Girl, and becoming as famous a brand name as United.
"I think the big problem for me and I'm a football man really...he fell in love with Victoria and that changed everything," said Ferguson.
Fergie is always right. Even when Fergie is wrong.
He might be the greatest football manager in history, but this tome is childish and vengeful. The past is a different place. We no longer live there.
Ferguson would have viewed this book as an act of treachery coming from a player. All he has done is cheapen his own status with low-brow, self-indulgent gossip he claimed he detested: tabloid tittle-tattle. At the age of 71, it all is very childish. He will sell a good few books, but there is a price to be paid here that is greater than 25 quid. Ferguson has endorsed an unnecessary act of spite.
Tuesday 22 October 2013
Monday 21 October 2013
When Amazon's Customer Reviews Get Ridiculous (and Seriously Funny)
http://www.techspot.com/article/729-amazon-funny-reviews/
One of the earliest examples of this phenomenon was the review section for a gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk. Since 2006, the otherwise unremarkable gallon of milk has gone on to inspire thousands of largely disassociate reviews, such as this commentary from user Alexander Strommen: "I was in Tuscany recently, and despite my sincerest efforts, was unable to sight any Tuscan Wholes. Given the rarity of this creature, I find it hard to believe that anyone has managed to domesticate them, let alone convince them to give milk." There was also user Clinton H. Weir's warning that "this milk might be TOO good. If you ever get two gallons of the stuff in one room, existence might promptly disappear."
What these reviews lack in helpfulness they make up for in gleeful goofiness. For its part, Amazon hasn't tried to dissuade this phenomenon, as these self-generating memes can actually increase sales. For example, when an unexceptional graphic T-shirt featuring three howling wolves caught the ire of the sarcastic community in 2008, it went on to become one of the top selling pieces of apparel on Amazon that year.
As we get closer to the holiday shopping season, it's refreshing that some of those among us are less concerned about being jolly elves and would rather embody a snarky troll. We can all use the laugh during the stressful holiday season and we hope that these top Amazon product reviews below will make you smirk. Since these are direct quotes, you can naturally assume there's a blanket [sic] throughout the text below.
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How to Avoid Huge Ships [Second Edition, Paperback]
Taken out of context, there is a certain absurdity to this maritime manual. But when the time comes to avoid a huge ship, you'll wish you weren't so dismissive.
Reads like a whodunnit!: "I bought How to Avoid Huge Ships as a companion to Captain Trimmer's other excellent titles: How to Avoid a Train, and How to Avoid the Empire State Building. These books are fast paced, well written and the hard won knowledge found in them is as inspirational as it is informational."
A Parent's Review: "As the father of two teenagers, I found this book invaluable. I'm sure other parents here can empathize when I say I shudder at the thought of the increasing influence and presence of huge ships in the lives my children. I certainly remember the strain I caused so long ago for my own parents when I began experimenting with huge ships. The long inter-continental voyages that kept my mom and dad up all night with worry. Don't even get me started on the international protocols when transporting perishable cargo. To think, I was even younger than my kids are now! Huge ships are everywhere and it doesn't help that the tv and movies make huge ships seem glamorous and cool. This book helped me really approach the subject of huge ships with my kids in an honest, open and non judgmental way."
Caution: Check the title before purchase: "I live near a park and frequently walk around the local area. Given the amount of dog mess that is on the pavements I thought this book would be the ideal read to stop me having to scrape my shoes on the grass before going home. It was only after it arrived that I looked closely at the title and realised it said 'How to Avoid Huge SHIPS.'"
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Radioactive Uranium Ore
Before any of you would-be James Bond villains get any ideas, this small
sample of radioactive material is just that: small. This "low radiation" tin of ore
is meant for science classes and to test your Geiger counter. While a
steal at $39.95, the real value may be in the snarky creativity it
inspires.
Great Product, Poor Packaging: "I purchased this product 4.47 billion years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty."
Perfect for use in death rays!: "I must say I was surprised to find such a great price on the internet. I often require uranium to crush my close-minded enemies. When my radioactive mutant army ushers in the apocalypse I'll be sure to spare the seller!"
Tastes terrible!: "I've never heard of a Uranium flavored Oreo, but thought I would give it try. Based on the taste alone, this stuff is not worth it."
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AudioQuest K2 Terminated Speaker 8-Foot Cables
In 2009, these high-end speaker cables with a multi-thousand dollar price tag inspired much of the internet's fury. As they should have.
If only Heracles had such power!: "If there is one cable I would whole-heartedly trust to my Chimera-hunting needs, this would be the cable. No other cable has the tensile strength to properly and efficiently garrote a lycanthrope, asphyxiate an Esquilax, or even gag a mermaid. Last week, using my trusty AudioQuest K2 (retrofitted with lead weights, bright orange latex paint, and a generous coating of crushed glass stolen from the window of an abandoned church at midnight), I managed to snuff 3 golden unicorns in swift succession!"
The K2 Conqueror: "A vital accessory for all those attempting to climb the world's second highest mountain, which incidentally was named after this item. At first I was skeptical, but after a quasi-religious ceremony in which I held this aloft in front of the baying masses at base camp; I realized the true power that AudioQuest has manifested in this silver snake. Attaching it to my harness, I noticed how the shard-like peaks of the West Face smoothed over in front of me as I attempted to climb the savage mountain in only my Y-fronts and a Busted-Tees t-shirt."
Just a whisper: "At the urging of another reviewer, I too listened to the Beatles White Album whilst using these cables. And faintly, ever so faintly, I heard 'buy Tuscan Milk, 128 fl. oz.'"
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Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk
You may not think you need a way to attach a laptop to your car's driving wheel, but you really do. (This entry has the added bonus of trolled product images.)
This thing is a life saver!: "Believe it or not, I'm typing this review on my laptop steering wheel desk! As a school bus driver I was never be able to check my email and update Facebook while at work. Now I am networking more than ever!"
Not as convenient as I expected: "I just picked uuyp my laptop hoder from the post offfice and I'm ddriving home now. It's OK Iguess, but the bumpy road majkes it hard to type. And theree's a lot of pedeestrians and traffi c that keep distracti9ng me fromm my computer. Oh, and yyou can't make any sharrp turns. So when you turn right, somnetimess you have to use the oppsing lane of traffic."
Makes a boring drive easier: "You wouldn't believe how much more interesting my commute is now that I have something to do other than just stare out the window! I'm using it right now to post this review and I never - "
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Looking For... The Best of David Hasselhoff
While not quite known for his music stateside, actor David "Knight Rider" Hasselhoff is a one-man musical movement
throughout central Europe. His is an audio art that is best appreciated
by the Germanic ear — and also by awestruck Amazon reviewers.
Aural Rapture: Hasslelhoff Finally Delivers Salvation: "It's no surprise that Hasslelhoff has been nominated for immediate canonization in the wake of the release of this collection of hits. The album is, simply-put, the Word of God. Each note, each beat, each utterance reflects a long and careful dialogue with the Lord Himself, resulting in total perfection in the most analytical sense of the word. 'Looking For: Best of David Hasselhoff [IMPORT]' is the first real tangible evidence we have of the existence of a higher power."
The very epitome of musical godliness: "Twice the ruggedness of mortal man, ten times the talent of any other artist, Hasselhoff dazzles on this CD. Every track has been plucked from the heavens and trembles with vigor and force. God Himself could not record as good a greatest hits album like this, and if He were to listen to all 17 tracks on this compilation, He would refrain from striking me down for blasphemy."
Dave pulls no punches on this emotional rollercoaster: "For a laugh — in those days it was always for a cheap laugh — I went out and bought 'Looking For: Best of David Hasselhoff.' How ironic I thought I was being. How big, how clever of me to ridicule a recording artist shunned by so many of the 'in crowd.' What did I think it would achieve? I don't honestly know, but perhaps I thought my cynicism would make me popular and more attractive to women. Little did I know that within hours the small-minded man I had been would be all but dead, leaving behind a boy — yes a boy — full of hope, excitement, and joy. I won't bore you with all the details of my epiphany, but let's just say that by the time Hot Shot City was over the caterpillar had become a butterfly.
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A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates [Paperback]
With so many misleading advertisements out there, the book "A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates"
should be praised for delivering exactly what it promises: pages and
pages of truly random digits showing absolutely no pattern or reason.
Kudos.
almost perfect: "Such a terrific reference work! But with so many terrific random digits, it's a shame they didn't sort them, to make it easier to find the one you're looking for."
A great read: "Captivating. I couldn't put it down. I would have given it five stars, but sadly there were too many distracting typos. For example: 46453 13987. Hopefully they will correct them in the next edition."
Not Nearly A Million: "This book does not even come close to delivering on its promise of one million random digits. My expectations were high after reading the first sentence, which contained ten unique digits. However, the author seems to have exhausted his creativity in this initial burst, because the other 99.999% of the book is filler in which those same ten digits are shamelessly reused!"
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The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China
China: Home to the world's fastest growing economy, the Back Dorm Boys,
and approximately 1,359,020,000 people. That's a lot of butts on a lot
of toilet seats! (2,718,040,000 individual cheeks!) So perhaps this $495
PDF file isn't as ridiculous as you thought. Plus, you always need something to read in the bathroom. So.
WARNING - NOT a MicroSoft product: "I was thinking, 'Sweet! Finally a version of Outlook that will run on my wooden Chinese toilet seats' Little did I know this has NOTHING to do with Outlook for Windows or any other MicroSoft product. It is NOT a five-year wooden-toilet email/calendar software product, but is in fact some kind of WELL-DONE REPORT ON TOILET SEATS By coincidence, still entirely useful to me in my line of business but now I will have to find some other way to coordinate my inter-seat schedules and emails Buyer beware"
I don't get it: "I'm not sure what all these rave reviews are about. I was just as excited as the next man to order this highly anticipated follow-up to 'The 2002-2009 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China' but it left me flat. It felt forced and unneeded. I think the author just wanted another payday without having to come up with something original. I can't believe they got Nicholas Cage for the movie... or I guess I can."
Amazing read. Couldn't put it down, much to girlfriend's dismay: "This publication is the pinnacle of riveting storytelling! I loved every moment of it. SPOILER ALERT! The Brown Wedding scene was shocking and horrific and amazing! As soon as I read that the Winds of Wastemere were played I knew ALL of the wooden toilet seats I came to love were in trouble. Terrible and intense. Two thumbs up!"
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Nao Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank
Entering the mobile armor market wasn't an obvious move for Amazon, but
then neither was dodging astonishing amounts of sales tax, and they
still managed that one. Thus, The Badonkadonk: the semi-unofficial tank of the always-wonderful Bugle Podcast,
and probably the only tank with a name plundered from Urban Dictionary.
It's currently unavailable, which is either a good thing (no crazies
buying tanks on the internet) or a bad thing (lots of crazies already
did).
You can afford it!: "Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.' Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right? Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?' Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?"
Finally, a tank you can trust: "Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I've purchased overpriced, so-called 'battle tanks,' then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in 10 minutes. But this tank R-O-C-K-S! Literally — the 400-watt sound system keeps me rockin' like a crazy man as I'm dishing out justice commando style. And the kids love it, too; imagine the look of terror in the eyes of the enemy as I'm dropping off my kid's team to their soccer game. Shock and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!"
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Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant
For the serious — and seriously scary — tool enthusiast, this collectible colossus
boasts a spectacular 87 implements and 141 functions. Although, upon
closer inspection the list on the product page mentions "reamer" twice,
so maybe it's not the bargain that its $1,386.35 price tag would
suggest.
Found this...: "...stuck into a stone while on vacation. I'm impressed with it, generally. Unfortunately, it turns out that removing it made me the new king of Switzerland, which is a lot of responsibility."
Think it over: "I was about to order this but a vision of MacGyver appeared and told me to be a man and use a paperclip."
Cool, but be careful: "This knife has one tool too many. I started playing with it on the bus on my way to work, and I accidentally impregnated the woman sitting next to me. I never found the tool responsible, but when I do, you can be certain I will be demanding a full refund."
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Datastroyer Model 1000 Disintegrator
Looking to destroy an entire rainforest's worth of paper? Trying to get
rid of that pesky Badonkadonk you've had lying around? This is probably
what you need: a disintegrator that sounds like a Terminator and looks
like 1948's third most expensive electron microscope. Fresh from its
cameo appearance in Pacific Rim, this 14,000-lb. behemoth is probably the herald of the robot apocalypse, but until then, hey, let's make jokes.
Great Product: "This is a great disintegrator, but it really should have come with a childproof lock. We are going to miss little Byron so I can only give it three stars."
Maybe turn it on from a distance with a stick or something...: "I'm a coyote that lives in the desert and ordered this product to help catch a pesky roadrunner in the area. It arrived well-packaged and after covering it in tumbleweeds I put a pile of roadrunner pellets under it, as is my custom. In a few moments the roadrunner showed up and started eating the pellets so I turned away and snickered while pointing my thumb in his general direction as if to say, 'He has no idea he's about to be disintegrated,' but when I did I failed to notice a lynch pin had slipped out and the disintegrator had swung directly over my head. When I turned around, the roadrunner had finished the pellets and was looking at me so I scowled at him and pushed the 'On' button while maintaining eye contact. I was immediately disintegrated into a pile of ashes with two eyes, so I minused a star for the loose hingepin. The roadrunner 'beep! beep!'-ed at me and disappeared down the road, bending it as he did so, and I held up a sign on which I had written: sigh. Overall a good disintegrator."There are certainly more hijacked review threads out there, and there are probably better ones as well. There might even be some enterprising young reviewer right now taking a look at a novelty pair of American Flag Pants, and thinking: "Yes. This could be next." Unfortunately, we can't be everywhere, but you can, so feel free to leave any hilarious reviews that we've missed in the comments.
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